The return…
This is perhaps the second attempt i have made at the “Web 2.0″ identity thing. My history on the Internet is long, well documented and filled with drama. Since my first appearance back in the early 1996 thanks to the power of Netcom i have had at least 10 separate websites (all failed), 3 personal pages (including one at the simply god awful live-journal) and a facebook (which is only useful because i find amusement in stalking people). Enough with the introduction bollocks… I have something to rant about.
CBA
Its safe to say that my defining personality trait at the moment is laziness. I keep finding myself in a perpetual state of “Cannot be Arsed” or CBA. This self-inflicted condition isn’t helped by the fact that it is really damn cold and windy outside. I don’t know if its just because of this, but between the months of November to March, this state of mind seems to really affect me. I like the warmth. At the very least, CBA kicks into most aspects of my life at the moment. Ill list a few of them so that you can appreciate my dilemma…
- Socialising - I frankly cannot be arsed most of the time. I am an introvert at heart. I like being with myself, but at the same time i crave social attention and so i portray a very extrovert exterior to others so that i can get this attention. The problem with this is that with new friends, i find myself invited to all types of functions, and early in these relationships i happy attend. But as time passes i find myself less and less inclined to attend. This isn’t helped by the fact that in this more “modern” era, the main social events are based entirely on the concept of drinking unhealthy amounts of alcohol. See the site title…
- Cleaning/Maintenance/Various other householdy bollocks - I imagine the CBA for this is pretty much global and affects most people who live in a house (or barn, or shed, or cardboard box under a motorway bridge). When crap accumulates, it is perhaps human nature to let it continue to accumulate until a critical moment. This critical moment will vary from person to person (and god help couples who have two completely different levels of tolerance) and will based on their tolerance for organisation. I personally love organisation. Chaos irritates me. But… and this is a big but here… I can live with it if i know that it’ll be sorted by myself in due time. This relates most strongly to my kitchen (specifically the sink) which accumulates crap until Sunday hits, which is when i finally get around to cleaning it. And i do do this on a weekly basis! I personally think my flat is very tidy, but it does have its moments when in small localised areas, chaos ensues. Ill take a photo of my toilet one day, the floor resembles an earthquake at a public library.
- EVE-Online - This is where i get a little geeky. Until recently i have run a little EVE-Online corporation called Rakeriku. I did this for about 4 months quite successfully (we made cash, we had fun, and people played) until we decided to make an alliance. From this point onwards, things began to fail and frankly i think this whole idea was blessed with CBA right from the start. After putting the decision off for about 9 months i finally decided to hand in the towel, and give the damn thing over to someone who stands a chance of doing something good with it. This is partially due to myself having a complete lack of time (this was true originally) but now its entirely due to a lack of willing for myself to put effort into it. On the one hand i am very sad. These guys have been friends of mine for a good long time, but on the other hand, i love the game to pieces, and if i didnt hand the corporation over, i would probably sell up and leave.
- Myself - My girlfriend has a saying which has stayed with my for quite a long time. “Only you can make a change in your life”. Not an exact quote, but the gist is the same. In essence, if you feel a need to change something in your life, and something is wrong, then you can change it. It may take effort, but if you WANT it, then you can DO it. I personally love this philosophy. Unfortunately, it has a minor flaw. You have to WANT to do it. The whole strategy falls down when you get too comfortable. When things are too easy it is easy for you to get too settled and then when something outside of your control later on, you will find yourself to be too inflexible to cope. There is a point to this. I am having a spate of CBA at the moment. I have spent all day feeling “bored” when actually it is more like a feeling of just not being bothered to do anything. This blog is another example. I have been meaning to get this setup for the last week, but i have not been bothered. Why is this? Perhaps its because i find myself feeling tired quite often, perhaps its the damn weather again. Don’t know. I did have a plan for today. I wanted to cycle around a bit, perhaps go towards Pudsey on my bike, and then come home. The 60mph gusting winds outside have unfortunately stopped me from doing that.
When it comes down to it, even though i fall into being CBA on a very regular basis, i find myself irritated by it. I wish i knew why it keeps affecting me so much. I literally have to force myself to fight it on a daily basis and i am not entirely sure that this battle is a victory most days. It affects nearly every facet of my life, with perhaps the most aggravating one being my health. I find myself putting things off, i miss days of weights, i don’t go out on my bike as often as i want to and in the end it is all because I cannot be arsed.
On a lighter note, i finally got the camera on my laptop working. Here is a nice grimace from yours truly to the Internet. See the Who Am I page 
