Its May. Woo…
For the last decade and a half I have associated this time of year with stress and sleepless nights. Every year since I was 9 I have had the dreaded “summer exam season” with the deadlines for end of year courseworks following in close pursit.
Fifteen damn years. I have not had a worry-free birthday without the threat of academic failure since the birthday party I had when I was 8.
So when I finally graduate from academia I look forward to a spring time which is much less stressful…
My arse!
Instead of periodic times of intense stress, working life produces continuous stress and this itself brings about what I like to call, Bad Bottom Days. These are days when the landscape which is my gut is less than calm and appears (in me) in the forms of either rapid uncontrollable (and fantastically unpredictable) dirrorhea (SP), intense constipation or fan-trumpeting-tastic flatulence.
A while ago I performed a study on myself to discover what causes these BBDs and the associated poorly tums that went with them. The results showed that, overall, I can eat almost anything. The expected foods give me troubles (Very red fruits like tomatoes, excessive coffee consumption, chillis, curry, too much beer, red meat etc) but the only reoccuring factor was how i felt. If i ever felt very stressed, anxious, worried, pressured, horny (yes, it happens when I am EXTREMELY horny…) or afraid, then the BBD would be just around the corner.
It does seem to be a family trait. My mother (who is perhaps the single most emotionally unpredictable individual I have yet encountered) gets the same issues, only worse. What I get occasionally, she gets nearly everytime we meet. Which leads me to believe that she has some kind of anxiety syndrome or something. I dunno, she does baffle me at times. Though she has been much better recently.
So why am I stressed at the moment? Fucked if I know. But I can make some educated guesses.
Firstly I am more than a little worried about my fitness. I have been working a lot recently, with last week breaking the big 45 hours and with the lack of sleep I keep finding myself enduring (even with early bedtimes) I still find myself knackered. Could be diet, I don’t know. Going to buy some multi-vitamins this weekend and see how I go (Theoretically I should be fine, eat plenty of fruit, fibre, carbs, proteins and the I cook most of my food, but chances are its one of the obscure vitamins that I lack).
Could be the apathetic state of mind which I continually find myself in nowadays. I find it increasingly hard to motivate myself once i get home. Again, something I need to work on.
Could be that work is a bitch at the moment. I have just rotated from an team which was very social (lots of conversations and like minded and nerdy people) to a team which seems also sterile personality wise. For starters this is a very masculine team with plenty of ego being thrown around. I like to get to know my colleagues and get them to know me (sometimes a mixed blessing) but in this team I am increasingly getting the vibe that I won’t be able to do this, and thusly i am outside my normal comfort zone.
i could go on, but I won’t, for now. There are many things I need to work on. Especially the stuff which contibutes to the feeling of “Am I wasting my life”. But thats another day…
Posted in Braindump, Peronal Reflection
